What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
