is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
