So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
