Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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