Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
