was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
