Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
