so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
