if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Screwed.edu
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
