At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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