I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize