Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
