3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
