She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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