Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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