I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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