As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
