My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
