are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
two words...techno handjob
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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