I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Holy shit dude........stairs
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