you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
