Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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