dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
