There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
