I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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