WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
