birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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