so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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