before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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