Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
