i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
