On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
