New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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