I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
