just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize