the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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