i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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