I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize