Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
