I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
