Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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