Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
