I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
