That's when you crack a 10am beer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
