Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
