I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
