I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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