Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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