You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
