I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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