im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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