What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
