if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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