but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if i died would you start the facebook group?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
