For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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