May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize