How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
