My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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