I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
