So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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