she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
