I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
