I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
