Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
