I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize