I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
