You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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