That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize