Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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